The Great Leo is the Great Actor.

In A gentleman’s best, I will present my favourite feature of each issue of GQ and Esquire. I don’t work for, or on behalf of, either magazine (though I would love to)—I simply enjoy reading features and explaining what works, or doesn’t, for each of them. The hope is that my readers will share this fascination of mine, or might be compelled to read each magazine. 

GQ–The Luckiest Village on Earth, Michael Paterniti

Sodeto is the luckiest village on Earth–that’s what Michael Paterniti writes in this feature, and it’s tough to argue with him. But really, it’s probably more exact to say that Sodeto is the luckiest village in Spain. Every year, the country holds a big draw, El Gordo, where as much as 720 million euros are won. “The government prints tickets bearing the numbers bearing the numbers 0 to 99,999 and distributes them…across the country,” Paterniti writes. Every ticket costs 200 euros, but can be broken into tenths, or décimos, and every décimos can be further divided into quarter décimos. And every year on December 22, the government will pick a number among those tickets. There’s always a winner for El Gordo (i.e. the Fat One). It’s the biggest lottery on Earth, and that’s probably why Paterniti writes that Sodeto is the luckiest village on Earth. In 2011, Sodeto won El Gordo. Instantly, the village of 250 inhabitants became one of 250 rich inhabitants. It’s a subtle difference, but it’s an important one. When a village is full of winners of El Gordo, the little place that it was is no more. Camera trucks, reporters, tourists, car dealers and bankers all descend upon the peaceful little village.

The two best features of May 2013.

Esquire–A House on the River, Ryan D’Agostino

Maybe Bill Pettit manages to go on living his life, because that’s the only thing that he can do. When he remarries about four and a half years after the tragedy, he does so because the alternative is unacceptable–Bill Pettit didn’t die, but the rest of his family did, so he must continue to live. On July 22, 2007, he had dozed off on the couch inside the sunroom when two men broke inside his family’s house. They knocked him out with a baseball bat and raped and killed his wife and two daughters. Since then, Bill Pettit is trying to live, because he survived the attack. And not living would be succumbing to the assaillants’ attack. This feature, courtesy of Ryan D’Agostino, is absolutely stellar. Details of Bill Pettit’s tragic past slowly emerge one by one as the author follows Bill around in Connecticut because really, that’s how life goes for Bill. The past is always with him, though it doesn’t define him.

Meanwhile, Esquire takes this month’s title of ‘Cover Page King.’ Robert Downey Jr. dons the pages of GQ, but he’s no match for Leo the Great, Leonardo DiCaprio. To paraphrase a character that was once played by Downey Jr.-the irony, I know-in the greatest comedy ever that is Tropic Thunder, “Yeah, and Leo’s a great actor, mother–!”

Marshall Faulk, Steve Mariucchi and Michael Irvin on the NFL Network set for the 2010 NFL Draft. (Photo courtesy of Marianne O’Leary)

To celebrate, I propose a Mock Draft, my fourth annual attempt at this great guessing game. I don’t pretend to be one of the finest connoisseurs of the NFL, but truly that is the catch with writing a Mock Draft–you need more luck than smarts to be right. Included is only the first round, as I wish to preserve some kind of dignity. Please note that no trades are factored in despite the fact that they are sure to happen and to complicate things further.

I swear that there is a method to my madness even if I’m not explaining every one of my 32 picks in detail in this post. 

Kansas City Chiefs (2-14): Luke Joeckel, offensive tackle

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-14): Dion Jordan, defensive end

Oakland Raiders (4-12): Shariff Floyd, defensive tackle

Philadelphia Eagles (4-12): Geno Smith, quarterback

Detroit Lions (4-12): Eric Fisher, offensive tackle

Cleveland Browns (5-11): Dee Milliner, cornerback

Arizona Cardinals (5-11): Lane Johnson, offensive tackle

Buffalo Bills (6-10): Ezekiel Ansah, defensive end

New York Jets (6-10): Barkevious Mingo, defensive end

Tennessee Titans (6-10): Star Lotulelei, defensive tackle

San Diego Chargers (7-9): Chance Warmack, guard

Miami Dolphins (7-9): Xavier Rhodes, cornerback

New York Jets (6-10): D.J. Fluker, offensive tackle

Carolina Panthers (7-9): Sheldon Richardson, defensive tackle

New Orleans Saints (7-9): Jarvis Jones, linebacker

St. Louis Rams (7-8-1): Tavon Austin, wide receiver

Pittsburgh Steelers (8-8): Cordarelle Patterson, wide receiver

Dallas Cowboys (8-8): Kenny Vaccaro, safety

New York Giants (9-7): Tyler Eifert, tight end

Chicago Bears (10-6): Alec Ogletree, linebacker

Cincinnati Bengals (10-6): Jonathan Cooper, guard

St. Louis Rams (7-8-1): Eric Reid, safety

Minnesota Vikings (10-6): Sylvester Williams, defensive tackle

Indianapolis Colts (11-5): Datone Jones, defensive end

Minnesota Vikings (10-6): Manti Te’o, linebacker

Green Bay Packers (11-5): Matt Elam, safety

Houston Texans (12-4): Keenan Allen, wide receiver

Denver Broncos (13-3): Bjoern Werner, defensive end

New England Patriots (12-4): Johnthan Banks, cornerback

Atlanta Falcons (13-3): Desmond Trufant, cornerback

San Francisco 49ers (11-4-1): Zach Ertz, tight end

Baltimore Ravens (10-6): Kevin Minter, linebacker

Arrested Development on the cover for GQ. The icon is no match.

In A gentleman’s best, I will present my favourite feature of each issue of GQ and Esquire. I don’t work for, or on behalf of, either magazine (though I would love to)—I simply enjoy reading features and explaining what works, or doesn’t, for each of them. The hope is that my readers will share this fascination of mine, or might be compelled to read each magazine. 

GQ—Kehinde the First, Wyatt Mason

Kehinde Wiley revisits the past by creating a different present. Like plenty of others before him, Wiley believes that art has largely ignored the black faces—only he’s decided to do something about it. He’s reclaimed art of the past and modernizing it with black men, with black faces, in the central roles. Wiley’s Napoleon Leading the Army, for example, is a middle-aged black man sporting a white bandanna. Wiley’s latest project in October of last year, The World Stage, has 15 paintings of different black men from different countries. Mason’s feature documents Wiley’s journey to Africa in search of black faces that would make for great models. “What is not hard is copying someone else’s style,” Mason writes. Everyone can copy a Wiley, but there’s only one who created that style. Mason continues, “What is hard is achieving a style worth copying.” But what happens if that style that’s so hard to copy has drawn inspiration from past classics?

The two best features of April 2013.

Esquire—The Perfect Life of Hugh Hefner, Chris Jones

It smells like popcorn, because it’s movie night at the Playboy Mansion. Forget about the weekend—Mondays are the nights that someone should hope to be invited over. It’s just movie night, but it’s the sign that someone is part of the inner circle—and memberships last until death. The names and the men have changed over the years for Monday night’s Manly Night, but the man himself has remained the constant. Hugh Hefner very much is to the Mansion what the white rabbit is to Playboy. And just like the company has had to reinvent itself beyond the monthly magazine with a beer in Brazil, and a t-shirt in the Czech Republic, soon the Mansion will need to imagine a future with Hef’. At some point, Hugh will be gone—but not to worry, his death isn’t for tomorrow. Grace Hefner, his mother, lived to be 101. Hugh just turned 87.

Meanwhile, it’s GQ that takes April’s title of ‘Cover Page King.’ Esquire put Robert Redford on its cover and GQ countered with Jason Bateman. The icon is a great choice, but he’s no match for Michael Blüth. And Arrested Development is back on May 25. I simply can’t wait.

I’m old–or rather, I feel old.

Diplomatic Immunity–A true classic of American rap music.

Diplomatic Immunity turned 10 years old on March 25. Wait, what? There aren’t many things that can age a 27-year-old, but the fact that this album was released 10 years ago is one of these things.

Diplomatic Immunity, the creation of Cam’Ron, Juelz Santana, and the entire DipSet crew, is a classic. It’s a classic and, while it ages me, it really hasn’t aged one bit.  But I’ll get to whatever it is that makes this album a classic in a bit. For now, I’ll mention that the album, and its lead single DipSet Anthem, was the perfect follow-up to Cam’Ron’s Oh Boy. That single came on Come Home With Me, a solo Cam’Ron album that was also the group’s first foray into the mainstream consciousness.

The recipe wasn’t quite perfect for that solo album, but it all came together perfectly on Diplomatic Immunity. That’s why Juelz raps, “Two more, for Cam, for taking over the Roc,” on DipSet Anthem. In March 2003, The Diplomats ruled the world—and it all started with the video for DipSet Anthem.

That video, which included part of I Really Mean It, changed my life, and I don’t mean this in any light way. I was 17 years old when the video first aired, and it was unlike anything I had ever heard. Ever. Not then, and I probably still haven’t heard anything like it yet. The bass. The soul. The drums. Those all hit hard.

Diplomatic Immunity, and The Diplomats themselves for that matter, came at the perfect time. In 2003, the album had a lot of things going for it. Cam’Ron was the old man, the one with the established name…and the pink shirt, the one who could rap that, “Golly I’m gully,” and everyone would agree how dope this was. Juelz Santana was the young blood, the one who constantly reached and got away with it, the one who now oddly reminds me of Jalen Rose. I didn’t get, then, how ridiculous, over-the-top, silly, stupid and foolish their lyrics were. Cam’Ron, Juelz, Jim Jones, and other DipSet rappers like Hell Rell, Freekey Zekey, aren’t world beaters, but they have great mic presence, are entertaining and funny. Their lyrics are vulgar, even stupid at times, but when have rappers exactly been about uplifting and the betterment of the self? A few are, of course, but the norm tends to be the rapper who wants to spit some nonsense about how fly he is.

I’d probably say that The Diplomats are underrated lyricists since so many insist on how often they say outrageous things and overlook their genius. Not everyone needs to rhyme like Canibus—The Diplomats understood that, and never pretended that they could.

DipSet Anthem remains the group’s finest work. I Really Mean It is the second song of that combo single, and it might be the absolute greatest creation of Just Blaze’s career—and Just Blaze is a first ballot Hall of Fame producer. The Heatmakerz, comprised of Rsonist and Thrilla, created the instrumental to DipSet Anthem and they’re the reason why The Diplomats’ formula worked so well.

And on Diplomatic Immunity, The Heatmakerz were at the apex of their powers. The duo isn’t my favourite producing act of all-time, but their run with DipSet just might be my favourite of anyone ever. (It’s between theirs and Kanye West’s current one.) Their run started with Cam’Ron’s Boy Boy and Come Home With Me, included DipSet Anthem, Juelz’s Monster Music, and Hell Rell’s Back in the Building, and ended on Juelz’s Daddy and Shottas. What makes The Heatmakerz so great is that they’re a mix of so much. They’re part Havoc in that their beats are so goddamn filthy and grimy. And yet, they’re also Kanye, because their beats are all so incredibly soulful. And they’re also DJ Premier, because their creations are loops–dope as hell and simple enough.

And it all came together perfect for Diplomatic Immunity. If there’s nothing better than the instrumental to DipSet Anthem, there’s a whole lot of other quality still. Diplomatic Immunity has 27 songs spread over two discs, and it’s worth every second. More Than Music, Who Am I, I’m Ready, or Purple Haze would all be the crown jewel of a producer’s career. And they’re all all second fiddle to DipSet Anthem on this album. It’s DipSet. It’s more than what you people call music.

If you call me on my cellphone, you’ll hear it. The horns. The drums. The soul. The bass. “Yeah. DipSet. Come on.” It’s Juelz who says that, though it might as well be me. DipSet Anthem is my ringtone. It’s 10 years old, and I’m 27 years young.

Look at these two middling actors.

In A gentleman’s best, I will present my favourite feature of each issue of GQ and Esquire. I don’t work for, or on behalf of, either magazine (though I would love to)–I simply enjoy reading features and explaining what works, or doesn’t, for each of them. The hope is that my readers will share this fascination of mine, or might be compelled to read each magazine. 

GQ–The Pope and the Spy Who Loved Him, Sean Flynn

The March edition of GQ was rather disappointing, and I think I know why. By the time the magazine was released, what should have been its best feature had been rendered obsolete. Sean Flynn’s feature, on the VatiLeaks scandal of 2011, is excellent. Unfortunately, Pope Benedict XVI had already resigned and the new Papal conclave had already been set for March 12 by the time most had read the story—and the new Pope Francis had already been chosen by the time I read this feature, but that’s another story.

Still, Flynn’s feature is excellent. How can Paolo Gabriele, who first served Pope John Paul II before Benedict XVI, decide to help the Church save face by releasing to the greater public many documents that incriminate or embarrassing? Read on, though it’s still not that clear why by the end. It’s probably something to do with faith.

The two best features of March 2013.

Esquire–The Shooter, Phil Bronstein

He’s known as The Shooter. Part of it is for his own protection since has been living with a giant bull’s-eye on his back for about two years now, but there’s more to it. When he put three bullets in Osama bin Laden in April 2011, then anything else that he had done up to this point was moot. From then on, that man would be known as The Shooter. From then on, that Navy SEAL would be known as the man who killed that man.

For the first time in Esquire, The Shooter tells his story. It’s the story of that mission in Abbottabad and the training and preparation leading to it, but it’s not a feature on decision-making from the powers that be, or on policies, or on international relations. It’s the story of a man struggling to find a purpose after having found the ultimate one. It’s the story of a man, who shoots another man. And Phil Bronstein nails it.

Meanwhile, March’s battle for ‘Cover Page King’ is disappointing—the underwhelming Ashton Kutcher is donning the Esquire magazine, and the forgettable Bruce Willis is on the GQ cover. There’s no winners in March, only losers.

Ryerson Jschool aficionados will recognize none other than Andrew Evans at some point in the video. He and Anastasia Moskvitina helped with the camera work while Jannen Belbeck worked her magic in the editing.

The only bad poutine is a bad one.

Anastasia Moskvitina worked the camera while Jannen Belbeck did the bulk of the editing. Meanwhile, some of the soldiers of The Ryersonian made an appearance in this little bundle of joy–Theresa Do, Jeyan Jeganathan, Alfonso Espina, Tasha Zanin, Liz Foster, Natasha Singh, Mahjabeen Somji and Gavin Adamson. Meanwhile, the Banh Mi Boys suggestion was from Andrew Evans.

The only bad poutine is a bad one.

Theresa Do and Anastasia Moskvitina helped with the camera work for this little bundle of joy. The suggestion for the Bannock poutine, meanwhile, comes from Graham Slaughter.

The only bad poutine is a bad one.

The good, but underappreciated, HBO show.

It all starts with the season 2 premiere. That’s when you become a real fan of How to Make it in America. At least, that’s how it happened for me. The show had interested me right away, but I could never say that I loved it – until the season 2 premiere. Part of it is likely because Avicii’s Levels makes everything it touches that much better.

But that’s not all it is. In that episode, named I’m Good, Cam Calderon (played by Victor Rasuk) and Ben Epstein (played by Bryan Greenberg) have come back from a successful journey to Japan. The duo’s clothing line, CRISP, is well established, or well on its way at least. Back in New York, the duo has booked a “pop-shop” event. That, too, turns out to be successful, as 55 units of CRISP are bought. Fifty-five units isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing. Thus, Levels is playing at the end of the episode. 

How to Make it in America was short-lived, surviving only two seasons and 16 total episodes before being canned – short-lived and so, a failure. It played on HBO and the best way that I can describe it is as a cross between Entourage (minus the nudity) and Treme. It’s Entourage, because it tells the struggle of making it — whatever it might represent — in America. It’s Entourage, because it tells the story that every person dreams about — except that there’s no happy ending in this show. It’s the 21st century version of the American Dream, the one where you try very, very hard and where maybe everything works out. The motto of Entourage is that everything that can go wrong, won’t. Here, it’s that whatever can go wrong probably won’t but some things still might.

It’s Entourage, but it’s better than that. It’s Treme. It’s Treme, because some might think that it is boring. How to Make it in America doesn’t rely on a very extensive storyline. It’s like real life. Cam and Ben work hard, sometimes, at establishing a clothing line. When they don’t, they party or hang out with their friends — Ben’s ex-flame Rachel Chapman (played by Lake Bell), part-time pothead and part-time walker of dogs Domingo Brown (played by Kid Cudi), Cam’s cousin Rene Calderon (played by Luis Guzman), or hedge fund manager David ‘Kappo’ Kaplan (played by Eddie Kaye Thomas). It’s Treme, because nothing happens as the story unfolds. It’s Treme — it’s rich in culture, in this case that of underground New York City. How to Make it in America makes me want to party, smoke, drink, go to art and photo galleries and start my own clothing line — called, say, CBG —in the same way that Treme makes me want to live in New Orleans.

Village Paper In NYC. (Photo courtesy of gaelx)

Ben and Cam are after the Get Rich or Die Tryin’ scheme — but hopefully, get rich. And quickly. Ben and Cam want to make it, but they will not make it at any cost. They will make it on their own terms, and their own terms may change in order to make the most of every situation. In this world, the easy part is to come up with an idea – Ben and Cam have that. Now comes the tough part – trying to convince someone who doesn’t want to hear about them that their good idea indeed is a good one.

How to Make it in America is the bromance. It’s the story of today’s generation, where it doesn’t quite matter if you make it as much as whom you try to make it with. What’s the point of being a somebody if you have nobody with you? Ben and Cam have been friends forever, it seems, and believe in loyalty. That’s why they’ll make it, or that’s at least what they convince themselves of. There’s a time for growing up, but it doesn’t need to happen quite right now, or overnight. There’s still so much parties to attend, so many dreams to think through, so many meetings with pseudo-players to make the most of, so much weed to smoke and alcohol to drink, and so many girls to talk to. In the middle of all that, somewhere, is work. Ben and Cam don’t have a business plan for CRISP, and perhaps that’s why they believe that the clothing line can become a staple. How to Make it in America explains how Ben and Cam intend to bring their vision to life. They believe in growing up and owning their own business, but also in staying young and partying.

In the end, Ben and Cam’s story parallels that of the show creator, Ian Edelman. Ben and Cam and CRISP manage to make it. Sort of, exactly like the show itself. All the while, you watched. Maybe.

Ena Goquiolay and Anastasia Moskvitina also helped out on this little project.

The only bad poutine is a bad one.